Everyone makes mistakes, and relationships often involve explaining to our partners what is obvious to us. (I can even imagine he may have felt protective of his father.) That’s not an excuse, though. And it’s your call. If this boyfriend is worth it, explain to him clearly how he and his father offended you. If he still can’t see it and apologize, that’s a huge red flag.
Leave Baby Alone!
I am the mother of a healthy 1-year-old daughter. Since birth, she has been taller and weighed more than most babies her age. Her pediatrician is happy with her growth rate and diet. Still, when we meet new people, they often say how “huge” she is. One woman exclaimed unkindly that she was bigger than her 4-year-old. These comments bother us. More important, they make us worry that our daughter will become self-conscious about her size. How can we let people know that these comments are dead on arrival?
I rarely get as much angry mail as when I ask readers to stop commenting on the appearance of others. I’m accused of being politically correct and robbing people who like to receive compliments about the way they look. But I stand behind advice that prevents others from feeling bad. (Many people have complicated relationships with their appearance. Why wade into that?)
It will be a while before your daughter actually understands what anyone is saying. And I suspect that hearing her mother in nasty exchanges with strangers about her size will be more destabilizing to your daughter than hearing you say: “We’re thrilled she’s so healthy and well.” I’d leave it at that.
Recently, I became reacquainted with a friend from high school. We’ve had a few dinners with mutual friends. During one, she showed me a picture of the man she’s dating. I told her I was happy for her, even though he sounded sketchy. (He can never meet on weekends, for instance.) A while later, the man messaged me on a dating app. I reported this to my friend immediately. She was livid, but eventually she forgave him. Earlier this year, she asked me if I’d heard from him again. I told her I hadn’t. But now, he’s messaged me a second time. What should I do? I’d hate to burst her bubble.